Well, it's almost that time! One week from now, I will be (hopefully) out of surgery and dealing with a new type of pain. My surgery is on December 7th, a day that will live in infamy (for me) for two reasons now. I won't know what time my surgery will be; I will only get a phone call the day before. But I am hoping for an early surgery. I know it's petty with everything else going on, but I hate not being able to eat the day of surgery; it just makes me miserable beforehand and makes my stomach upset as I come out of anesthesia. However, my multiple surgeries over the years has thought me a few things: 1) tell them before surgery that I will need the anti-nausea medicines post-op and they will give it to you before you even wake up, 2) pick apple juice in the recovery room over ginger ale or anything carbonated because carbonation on an empty stomach is not pleasant, and 3) ask for Demerol in the recovery room (I get the shakes as I come out of anesthesia and the Demerol helps with that and doesn't make me nauseous).
As you can probably guess, I am both excited and nervous. I think both of these are normal emotions for my situation... I'm excited to finally have this much-needed surgery and, hopefully, get my knee pain to a manageable (or nonexistent) level so that I can lead a normal life. I'm hopeful that, since I'm so young, that I will be able to live the rest of my life with my metal knee and do pretty much everything that my peers are doing. I would love to have the severe daily restrictions be a distant memory... I can't wait to climb the stairs whenever I need to, to make plans to go places without worrying that I'll be in too much pain to go, and to be able to exercise again. And one of the things I'm most excited about: actually being able to enjoy myself and not have to fake things! I've had to put on the "happy face" and do all sorts of things (ex. honeymoon excursions, charity walks, trips to amusement parks, etc.) when I've been in enough pain to take pretty much take away all my enjoyment. I guess I've done a good job though, maybe too good of a job... I've had a lot of peers at school say that they didn't know my knee was that bad because I just don't complain about it; I've had family members seem to underestimate my problems because I put on the "happy face" and don't bother talking about the pain (it just doesn't seem right to put it on everyone else).
But, as I mentioned, I'm also nervous... It seems to me that anyone going through a knee replacement should be nervous! A surgeon is about to slice open my whole knee, cut out a bunch of bone, and insert foreign objects. My advice: don't ever watch a video of a knee replacement or (God forbid) have shadowed a surgeon during the operation. Unfortunately, I've done both. While I feel well-educated, it makes things a bit scarier to have seen a bone saw in action and to see the pounding required to put in the replacement. But the thing that makes me the most nervous is the uncertainty. No one can give me stats on this surgery in someone my age. I could be facing a knee fusion or lower leg amputation at any point due to infection, a failed revision, or impossible revision. And, worst of all, I can't be sure what my level of pain will be after the surgery - it is expected that the pain will be greatly lessened but no one can make that guarantee and the worst thing I can think of (worse than amputation even) would be to have to continue to live at this level of pain or even greater pain for the rest of my life.
Well, we shall see! I will do my best to continue the updates... I have my pre-operative "class" tomorrow and my appointment with anesthesia (I did find out that an anesthesiologist that I know is available next Wednesday and I can request him for him surgery!) tomorrow morning. I'm excited to get my final questions answered... And then? It's back to my law school final exams! I have one final exam next Monday and one on Tuesday (then surgery on Wednesday); luckily I had an externship which is complete, a seminar which required writing a 30-page paper that is already turned in, and Advocacy which requires small assignments throughout the semester that are all finished. Until next time...
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